Monday, November 20, 2006

The Three-Year Itch

Diplomatic life is strange... not so much when you're in the middle of living it; but when you've been out of it so to speak for a while, which I have been in a sense, you start to notice things that you once thought were perfectly normal ... but in reality it's not. I get that my childhood and subsequent upbringing is less-than-normal; but one aspect that I have come to notice about myself as a result of the Diplomatic lifestyle is what I've dubbed FSS: the Foreign Service Syndrome. It's manifestations have drawn attention to my sporadic and uncertain lifestyle, many a times where I've found myself explaining away my neurosis without really taking a step back to wonder why I actually do what I do, and is it really because I'll always be a bit of a diplobrat? Or is it just because I am simply plain weird, regardless of where/when and how I grew up?

One aspect of the FSS that manifests itself often in me is the title: the three-year itch. It is this feeling of wonder in the base of my head... the wonder of 'why am I still here? Isn't it time to go?'. The last time I felt this strongly to move, pack all my things and disappear to a foreign country was in 2003; and again it surfaces in 2006; and before I felt it in 2000... after moving to Canada in 1997. And it's not just the feeling of moving countries; I can't belong to an organization or group or community or JOB for that fact for longer than three years without the FSS creeping up on me to tell me that it is time to go.

This concept of FSS raises a lot of questions, most of which I really don't know how to answer... but I'll try. 'Why am I still here?' Simple: Education. It is cheap, it is plentiful, and it is exceptional. It's not that I don't like Canada; I love Canada. Canadians must know that they, well we, live in the greatest country on the face of this planet for reasons I'll never fully be able to explain. Canada is exquisite. It is beautiful, it is brave, and it is free; sure the PST and the GST takes away 14% of my money, it is so cold right now in my apartment that the heat is on full blast plus my space heater is struggling to reach its preset temperature of 30 degree Celsius and in some parts of the world people either don't know where or who we are or they think we are Americans... but I can break my arm tomorrow, walk in to a hospital and get it fixed without having to wiggle out my wallet from my purse; I can travel anywhere in the world without fear (for now... and where I'd want to travel; I'm not stupid) and I can say and believe what I want without the risk of condemnation. No... it is not because I am sick of Canada; Canada is incredible. I am so lucky to be a Canadian, to be born free and to stay that way, and although I probably won't work here, I'll still consider Canada the closest thing I have to a true 'home'. But my education is the only reason I have stayed behind because it is actually my golden ticket to freedom.

Which brings me to my second question: 'Isn't it time to go?' ... almost. The beauty of a Canadian degree in my chosen field is that I can go anywhere and work anywhere, but until I get my degree and pass the boards I'm stuck. The only time I can travel is on vacation or to see my family, which is nice mind you, but it is not the same feeling of relocation, of a fresh start, of fresh faces and places and experiences just waiting for you... that is, until you leave again in 3 years.

I guess what I miss about the FS life is the idea of a fresh start: that all the mistakes you've made, all the people you don't like, all the places you've been to that make you sad or you simply don't enjoy will all be left behind in lieu of a new adventure. True friends stay in touch, especially with creations such as Facebook and emails and whatnot... and there is no feeling like the feeling of unlimited potential that you get after moving to a new city, a new, state, a new province, a new country, or a new Continent. Each new environment breeds possibilities, some of which you had before and some of which you'll never have again; but all of these possibilities would simply not be had you decided to stay put.

This rush of potential is my drug; I am hooked on the idea of starting over, of going somewhere where nobody knows my name or where I've come from or where I am going... even if only for a few weeks until I acclimatize to this new environment I've decided to conquer. So in light of these tremendous opportunities that have been my norm for the better part of my life... is my three-year-itch really that strange? I certainly hope not... you have no idea what you're missing if it still is.

3 Comments:

Blogger xNateX said...

Attagirl! Way to tell the world just what you're feeling and why. I'd be impressed... 'cept I take the best for granted. Your writing qualifies. - Nate

6:08 PM  
Blogger jjmcgaffey said...

Oh yeah. Another FSBrat here (American) - and the 3-year itch is most definitely present in my life. Actually, I've solved it a couple times by rearranging my furniture - last time I went from a double futon to a twin loft bed. The time before that I moved from one town to another 25 miles away (it's SF Bay Area, that's not much of a dislocation. But enough to appease the itch).

1:47 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

FS Brat (American) I spent 6 years in Ottawa, i know EXACTLY how you feel about Canada. Well written and explained.

12:05 PM  

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